#i honestly dont know what should be done here as I've never really had to think about it or do anything before.

[pressureplus]

Can I request a sebastian x scene fem!reader? At first I was going to choose gyaru but someone already made it. Reader often visits Sebastian's shop to talk and Sebastian often asks about her scene style.

I got you brother, as a lover of the Scene/Gyaru styles myself, I'm gonna have some fun!

Your Name

Pairings: Sebastian Solace x Scene!Fem!Reader

Au: Classic

Warnings: Romance, Sebastian is bad at feelings

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜

“Its you again.” His voice is smooth and calm, hands clasped together the way they always are everytime you wander into his shop. You manage to wiggle your hips right on through and finally crawl into his shop. God these vents are an uncomfortable squeeze sometimes. You stand up, running your hands through your hair in a weak attempt to fix the mess as you walk over to Sebastian.

“Yeah, hey. My bad I know I promised Id be here sooner but my hair has been a-”

“Let me.” He hums and swats your hands away gently, you two more than friendly enough for him to touch you. Even though he wasn't particularly an overly touchy man he still allowed himself to reach out for you every now and then. Plus he didn't just shoot or throw you whenever you reached out to touch him either. What was special about you? You had no idea. A part of you assumed it had something to do with his curiosity. It seems he had never really seen somebody with your style before. The fluffier and ‘weird’ hair, the multicolored charms and jewelry you had on. He’d found you strange to begin with but eventually grew very very curious. All his questions leading him to requesting you come back so you could answer more at a later date. Now you come in whenever you can, now that you think about it, maybe its the familiarity he likes?

“You really should be more careful- I don't exactly have hair ties and hairspray laying around. Expendable or not, don't be clumsy and stupid.” He notes as his hands comb through your hair. His touch is gentle as he tries not to accidentally claw your scalp while fixing it for you. You're certain the position he’s bent himself into to do this for you can't be comfortable. Still you allow it. For a while you both remain silent, the closeness leaving you a little pink, not that he seems to notice.

“Ah, Im trying my best, but I swear Pandemonium has it out for me.”

“That bastard again?” You can almost watch his eye twitch as he huffs. His hands finally moving away from your head to reach into his bags. He sort of messes around with the items in there before managing to pull out a hair tie. Odd how despite claiming he doesn’t have one, he has one available for you? You're half expecting him to hand it to you, but no. He spins you around himself to tie it up for you.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting your hair out of your face. You want to survive, don't you?”

“Of course I do, but I mean…why are you putting it up for me? I have hands you know.”

“Your bracelets get caught sometimes. Don't think I haven't noticed that.” You pause.

“Youve been paying attention to me?”

“Whenever you're in my shop? Yes. I've got to watch everyone's hands, Y/N.” You sit in a shaken silence. He seems quick to join you and for a moment his hands still. He’s gone and called you by your name. You're fairly certain, based on the sudden stillness, that he didn't want you to know he knew it. At the very least he hadn't meant to call you that. You'd gotten aggressively called Expendable since the moment you signed up for this job. Honestly, your own name sounded foreign on his tongue. He clears his throat and finishes up with tying your hair back.

“Its done, you can leave now.”

“No wait- Dont you have questions for me today?”

“Nope.” He turns his head away, face red. His arms quickly crossing over his chest. A silently defensive position you've grown accustomed to whenever you push one too many buttons.

“Oh come on, don't be shy just because you called me by my name. I'm not gonna tease you for it!”

“Dont care. Get out.”

“Sebastian, come on! You were so happy to learn about my belt collection back at home just yesterday!”

“And I'm not today. You may leave, escort yourself out, remove yourself from the premises, or whatever terms you want to use.”

“You know considering I never told you my name in the first place, and you never cared enough to ask, you must've been looking for it.”

“No-”

“Have you been trying to find out my name, Sebastian? Clearly you managed it. Is it safe to assume you like me?” You attempt to tease him and he’s quick to shift himself down to your height again. A hand grabbing you by the front of your gear and tugging you up towards his face. A low rumbling growl emanating from him, teeth bared.

“I didn't go looking for it, and I certainly don't like you. Remember who you're…talking…” He trails off. His eyes locked on yours. He can't help the almost doe eyed expression he makes, his teeth no longer fully exposed and his mouth slightly ajar. As though he’d entirely lost his train of thought. From this close you could see every little fleck of blue in his eyes individually. Even glowing you could see the slightest of color changes.

“You uh…you alright?” You mutter as he stares. He’s slow when he releases you, his face pulling away a bit. A silence settles between you two for a moment before he speaks up again.

“Your eyeliner.”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you uh, always do it like that?”

[phulge]

i haven't really been engaging in discourse because i've been sick but i do have a few things to say now that some dust has settled and im not sleeping 16 hours a day.

the phandom is not a radical space. i dont think it ever will be. thats not saying we cant fight for fair treatment and community care within it, but as long as it is orbiting around two privileged white men it will not be a radical space. the only thing radical about this space and the only real tool we have in our toolkit is how we treat each other.

its disgraceful seeing that there are phannies out there throwing out racial slurs in inboxes. its disgraceful seeing us fracture over what is honestly kindergarten shit.

like rudy said, we need to remember that dan and phil are just some white guys from england. and honestly their biggest crime probably is not knowing many if any poc. theyre privileged people who unfortunately as time goes on and their wealth increases and they stabilize, they will share less and less in common with their fans. theyre going to become more unreachable than they currently are no matter how down-to-earth they remain.

so forget dan and phil. sure, theyve done shitty things in the past and will continue to do so. but insofar as we are fans of them, no matter how much they tell us that they listen to us and care for us, we will never have their ear to change in the ways that we want them to. and honestly? years after the fact apologies done out of fear of a hit to their reputation is not an effective means of repairing anything. it is a bandaid over a deeper problem we need to admit we do not have the means or the leverage to fix (at least while maintaining a space recognizable to us). not to say we can and should not hold dan and phil accountable, but we need to be realistic about what is really important to us. is it celebrities doing and saying the right things or is it us taking it upon ourselves to be better people?

so how are we going to hold people accountable for the things they do in the moment? how are we gonna call people in? how are we going to turn to the people on our dash and at our live shows and treat them? how are we going to log off and show up in our communities?

there is a conversation to be had here about fan culture and how it can/cannot coexist with the idolization of white figures, but that's a different post.

the phandom is not a radical space, but we can be radical people within it. rich white men will always disappoint you, so how can you show up for the people actually accessible to you? and really in the end if it comes down to it, do you have the capability to walk away?

[mechagender]

do you have tips on drawing robots/mecha?

augh I really do wish i could have like a really good and thought out tutorial but honestly I don't even know how I learned WAUUHH ummm I think if I had any tips that I personally had to share which isnt a lot 1. try focusing on bolder geometric shapes!! it REALLY helps to sell the mechanical look. organic things tend to have a lot of soft irregular shapes, so deviating from that helps makes things look inorganic. also, try and picture things as a 3d model in your mind if you can! (if you can't, that's alright! people's imaginations work differently, some people can picture things, some people can't. that's just what I personally do)

2. exaggerate your parts and proportions to your hearts content!! robots and mecha are an excuse to really go crazy with things!! while something like drawing humans would typically have sort of a 'set' anatomy and proportions (varying on art style of course) mecha isn't really bound by any set of 'rules' especially if you don't care about being realistic!! (which i dont HEHE) 3. study and try and learn from some of the details of other mecha art. watch/play/consume media that focuses on mecha/robots like gundam or things like transformers, etc. other things that are good to study is real machinery, dolls, and real organic anatomy in general. i'd probably recommend searching some terms like "how to draw mecha/robots" on here and seeing what other tips more experienced artists have 4. PRACTICE!!!!!!! this should be like the tip ever for anything at all. im only able to draw like i am now because i spent a good few years drawing almost nothing but transformers which sort of forced me to learn. don't stop trying even when things look 'wrong' because fucking up is how you get better at Not fucking up

here's a snippet of like some of the first mecha art i can find in my files from back in 2021, you can tell i wasnt really confident in my shapes at all at the time, but keeping at it gave me the ability to improve (obviously none of these are concrete rules pls dont take them as such!!! i also HEAVILY encourage finding lessons elsewhere because beyond generic primary/middle school art classes i have never taken any sort of art education ever and I have no idea what im talking about. i'm entirely self taught, and i've also rarely done serious studies on my own. bad, i know WAUUUGH.)

[whore4billie]

GO AWAY - M.S

Summary- Y/N and Matt have been fwb for around 3 months now. Except the friends part isnt really there. Its more of just fuck buddies honestly. He was fucking multiple girls and there was no feelings involved with anyone..... but y/n had stupidly caught feelings for Matt. She knows she should hate him she knows she should get rid of him, block him on everything and move away from Boston so he cant find her, but she can't. She keeps going back.

Warning(s)- swearing, breaking down, mentions of sex, nothing else I dont think.

Not proofread as usual LMFAO

its around 10pm and all i could think about is Matt. I cant get him out of my stupid head. This isnt what friends with benefits entails. And i know he doesnt feel the same. Its been about 2 hours since i texted him and he saw it almost an hour ago. I text him again.

to: Matty❤🖕

Busy wit your side hoes? Tell Khloe or Missy or Julia or Tiff or whoever your balls deep inside I said hi dickhead 🙄🖕

From: Matty❤🖕

You need to chill out, you act like we are actually together or something but the main thing is were not together. We never will be. We're friends with benefits were fuck buddies whatever you wanna call it but we. Are. Not. Together. Got it? So why the fuck do you care if i sleep with someone else so much?

Fucking ouch. I felt a sting in my chest there was no need to be so harsh. I hold back my tears as i type my reply.

To: Matty ❤🖕

I dont care but i just dont want your other hoes STDS thank you very much

No Matt im lying I do care because im in love with you. I care about you sleeping with other people because I want you for myself. And it hurts so fucking bad seeing you flirting with other girls and hearing about the other girls youve slept with. But i cant tell you that.

I check to see if he's replied. Read- 2 minutes. Why am i suprised. I need to get him out my life. He's messing with me he knows exactly what hes doing. I go to his contact and press block. Done. So why am i still thinking about him. Maybe if i put music on it'll distract me. I press shuffle on my playlist and go away by Tate Mcrae came on. Oh for fucks sake.

"Everytime you look at me it's never enough for you it cant be fair to me cuz boy you know im so damn in love with you"

The universe is against me.

"Oh I've been stuck seeing your face in everyone shouldn't have played in your game of fun now i dont think im okay you never go away"

"Oh enjoy the show you seem to love when im alone you like to care until you don't now i dont think im okay you never go away"

Really? I cant escape Matt. Everything reminds me of him. Ok maybe I just need sleep.

-Matts pov-

Matts going out tonight with a girl from bumble. He found her on there and shes the only one hes actually liked on there. He texts Y/N

To: y/n

Youre a freak. You act like we are actually together we're just fwb remember. Get that into your thick ass skull im not interested

[Text isnt available to send click here to try again]

To: y/n

You blocked me? The fuck?

She blocked me? The fuck? What the fuck is her issue. Fuck this I'm cancelling that date and im going to Y/ns.

It's about 3am when i get to Y/n's house and I text her to open the door.

[Text isnt available to send click here to try again]

Oh for fuck sake im still blocked. I start knocking on her front door and notice her bedroom window is open. "I know youre home open this damn door" i shout up to her. She's being so childish why is she even mad?

-Y/n's pov-

I wake up to banging at my front door and check the time: 3:26am. Who would be here at 3am for fuck sake. I look out my bedroom window and see Matt banging on my front door. "Matt fuck off its 3am I dont wanna speak to you" i shout from my bedroom window. "Why are you being like this? Open the damn door and talk to me like an adult I didnt do anything wrong here you're getting unnecessarily mad about this" Matt yells back. The nerve of this bitch. "I'm not unnecessarily mad Matt I have every right to be mad. Your fucking with my head and you know damn well what your doing Matthew so don't act like you dont" I shout in a whisper, my voice breaking. "Why because you're stupid ass caught feelings? Why the hell is it my fault you cant keep your emotions in check? Thats not my problem." Matt yells. Well ouch. What the fuck is wrong with him? Who does he think he is? "Matt im not doing this with you" i shut my bedroom window and slide to the ground in sobs. What. the. fuck.

_________________________________________

So this is pt1 lmk what you think gimme brutally honest opinions on this idc if theyre rude be brutaly honest

@recklesssturniolo @caroline12b @chrisfavoritepepsi @mattscokewhore @sturnioloshacker @freshloveforthefit @carolsturns1 @carolinalikesthings @mangoposts @sturniozo @luvmxtt @mattestrella @lacysturniolo

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 11

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 951

Masterlist

Guysssss I'm sorry if this sucks. I spent all day at the office wishing I could write and then I got home and people just would NOT leave me alone and I had to keep taking breaks 😭😭. Also I kind of didn't know how I wanted this chapter to go at all but now that I'm past it I'll probably have less trouble.

I'm not mad, (Y/n).

It's been three days and you're still avoiding me, but I'm so not mad that I give Ethan a raise and that I buy Paco dinner twice and that I smile at everyone who walks into Mooney’s. That's how you know I love you: I understand that you need time and space to figure out how you feel. And I can wait. And I don't take it out on others. Love is patient, after all.

And this is love. I know it is. You said I am great, and cute, and ugh, and that means something. But you said it yourself: you are ruining this by avoiding me. And when I text you, you're short with me. Why are you doing this to us? Are you the kind of girl who sabotages good things?

Then you finally text me properly. It's a long string of texts, and I want to ignore you because I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed in you, honestly, and I think that's fair. But the more I read, the more I smile, and I know I will not ignore you.

YOU: ok im so sorry i know iv been super distant and rude and that is totally on me and id love to tell u iv just been busy or whatever but the truth is actually that i've kind of been avoiding you?? i know i know im a mega bitch. plz forgive me 🙏🏻

YOU: but heres the thing iv never??? done this before??? like gone on dates and gotten drunk and spilled my guts to a guy and liked a guy

YOU: like this is so embarrassing bc i might just be making a super big deal out of nothing

YOU: iv had like six coffees today im sorry im not making sense

YOU: iv never had a boyfriend before and i dont have any other friends here and also im kind of like. super insecure??? so

YOU: you can interrupt me any minute now

YOU: pls

ME: Just give me a moment.

Ethan isn't here to watch the register but honestly, (Y/n)? I don't care. There's only two people in the store and they've both been browsing forever. They're just going to end up buying books they will never read, so I go into the office and close the door behind me. And then I call you.

You answer right away.

“Hey, you,” you say, embarrassed.

“You should have too much coffee more often,” I tell you.

“Uh, no, never again. I have a horrible headache.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you assure me. I hear something slam in the background. “Oops.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just rearranging my furniture.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I'm having a… day,” you say. “Sometimes I just have these moments where I have to change something about my life right this second, you know?”

“So you rearrange your furniture and you text guys illiterate love confessions.”

“Illiterate!” you exclaim. “I will have you know I am a copywriter, and I'm very good at my job.”

“Uh huh.”

“My failure to capitalize my texts is entirely on purpose.”

“Right.”

“And so is the lack of commas.”

I keep quiet, and you realize that I called what you sent me a love confession. You don't correct me because you do love me. You do.

“So,” you say. “Thoughts?”

“I like you. I think that's pretty clear. I went to a music festival with you, and the music was terrible.”

You laugh.

“But I don't want to push you into anything. Have you really never had a boyfriend?”

“Well, there was this boy at summer camp when I was twelve. We held hands on the swings and he shared his Nintendo with me. But I don't think that counts.” I've never wanted to kill a twelve-year-old boy before. “Then there was a girl when I was fifteen. I liked her but it turned out she was just, like, experimenting. So was I, really. We lasted two weeks.”

A girl, huh? This isn't something I expected. But I don't react, because I know you want me to react, and you also don't always like to get what you want right away.

“But no,” you conclude. “I've never actually dated anyone before. That doesn't mean you're pushing me.”

You are so brave, (Y/n). You've never been in love with anyone before but here you are, taking charge.

On your end of the phonecall, something else slams. Then something shatters. You curse and someone knocks on the office window, and I hold up my finger at him to indicate one minute.

“Hey,” I say. “Do you want me to come over and help? After work, I mean.”

“No. I mean, yes to coming over, but no to helping. I'll just get annoyed because you're not doing it exactly how I want it to be done.”

“I'll just bring food, then.”

Another kock at the window. I'm going to kill this guy.

“Great! I'm craving pizza,” you say.

“Pizza it is. Toppings?”

“Pepperoni. And jalapenos.”

“You got it.”

“See you tonight, Joe,” you say, but what you really mean is I love you.

We hang up and I go help the man. I am so nice to him, because you have invited me to your apartment. You want me there. You want me to sit on your bed and feed you and watch you move your books around because you love me, and you told me you've never had a boyfriend before which means you think I am your boyfriend now.

Closing time can't come soon enough.

[yandevee]

Johnny Cage × Reader

Chapter 1

You are a fangirl but he is kinda into it because he loves the attention

In all fairness, you didn't really mean to go through a glowing blue portal.

You usually spend your days wondering the streets of the oh so famous Hollywood. Honestly in contrast to popular belief fame city wasn't all hot gossip and movie shoots.

There was a dark side, a poor and homeless side, that had been creeping up throughout the years.

You...are a part of that percentage. There is a lovely little place on the tip top of an apartment building that you have found sanctuary. A lovingly crafted shack made from two tall and sturdy pieces of plywood and a blanket draped over the top. The loving part was the string of battery-operated lights that you managed to steal from a dollar store. Along with your trusty, kinda beat up CD playing laptop you may or may not have also stolen...

It's not much but it's yours, along with the beautiful view of the walk of fame.

You wished desperately to get to that place you call 'home', but fate seems to have a different plan.

---pov---

Oh shit oh fuck. I've really done it now.

You know all these years of shoplifting and never ONCE has someone chased me down a street for a fucking CD!

"Just stop running! If you give it back I swear I won't call the cops!" This guy has some damn good stamina.

My legs beg me to give in, but there was absolutely no way in hell I'm giving this up. It's Johnny's newest film!

"YOU DEFINITELY DONT GET PAYED ENOUGH FOR THIS SIR! Probably $8.00 a hour at MOST." I yelled over my shoulder, not looking where I'm going.

Wait.

Why is it daytime?

WHERE DID THAT GUY GO?

I stop and catch my breath. At the very least, this means he won't get me. "How did I even get here?"

"That's what I want to know." I'm mildly embarrassed at the yelp that left me. Only a tad. Ok, maybe a lot.

I nearly jump out of my skin and turn around to see a man with... white glowing eyes? He's tall with dark hair pulled partially into a bun, wearing a white, undone shirt and dark blue pants.

"Uh, you're not the guy from the video store."

"Definitely not." It feels like his gaze is burning holes in me. Clearly, I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be.

He took my stiff figure in slowly, like as if he was trying to scan me for...well something. "You are lost?" Uh, no shit?

I don't know the guy. I can't just say that out loud, so I settled with a nod. He looked more relaxed and settled his eyes on the CD I had clutched to my chest.

"Where am I? If you don't mind me asking that is-" I've had my fair share of fights to know that I don't wanna be on this guy's list. Especially since his eyes are glowing like a comic villain.

He gave me one more once over before giving a soft smile. "How about you follow me, and we can discuss your questions." I'm not too sure about that one chef. This has murder written all over it.

For whatever reason, I find myself following after him despite my thoughts.

He led me through courtyards of men in orange that were training tirelessly. There were beautiful statues and lush greenery that complimented the stone pathways. I took it all in, and the only thing the serene setting gave me was more and more questions.

HEWOO~ HAI

This is my first time writing something like this but I CRAVE more Johnny content and honestly I was like 'Oh wait I can make some' so here I fucking AM!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAA there will be more parts definitely but hope you enjoyed chapter one! Next one should be longer- baiiii

[fandomworld9728]

Okay, so, I dont know your rules for asks but scrolling thought I wanna assume this is okay? If Its not i'm so sorry.

This might be weird but i'm craving more applestatic (Lucifer x Vox) but I dont have a specific scenerio? I have come up with Lucifer finding Vox like the day after Vox and Alastors fight (meaning Vox still has his blocky head)? Lucifer also isn't as "innocent" you could say, he is cunning and manipulative and not as much as a shut in.

Its the day after Vox and Alastor fought and Vox is in an alleyway and on the verge of tears and wondering what hes going to do now, like hes on the verge of just permently shutting off.

Lucifer just decided it was an amazing day for a walk when he hears sniffiling from an alley way so he walks in, he finds a shocking find of a sinner with a TV for a head? He seems pretty sad and Lucifer needs some company (Lilith disappeared a few years ago and Charlie and out and about).. so why not take him in?

Lucifer finds this new sinner so interesting and really wont let him leave the castle or out of his sight, Lucifer is like asking questions and swears up and down to never let this pathetic wet cat of a man go and Vox is just dreading the day Lucifer gets bored and kicks him out.

Literally, everyday, when Lucifers back is turned, Vox is like "Please dont toy with my feelings like the last one.."

(Lucifer also "spoils" Vox, one of the many gifts was Vark because a land shark was found, Vox loves sharks, Lucifer thought it was a good idea. I also headcannon Vox as trans so do with that as you must)

Please do what you want with this I've never been able to share this and I really really wanted to.. I wanna know your thoughts on this and if you have anything to add?

(Thank you so much for the ask! I don't have any set rules for asks so this is perfect ^-^ actually this is great because of the details I have to work with. I love the premise so much. Thank you so much for letting me be the one to work with this. Honestly, I might want to turn this into a full-blown fic. I hope I did your idea justice.)

What the fuck? How did things go so wrong? Everything was great! How could he? He had trusted him, poured his heart out to him, and he just-!

Vox’s inner turmoil was cut short as he felt a jolt of electricity run through him, glitching out his system and causing his body to convulse. Great.  At some point acid rain had begun to fall. He needed to get out of it before it caused permanent damage to his hardware.

Oh, what was the point? His very reason for living in this afterlife had rejected him. Laughed in his face and mocked him. Left him behind. And he was just so tired.

Maybe he should go pick a fight with Carmilla, so she’d put him out of his misery.

“What a sad display we have here.”

It took what little energy the TV demon had left to lift his head and see who had approached him. He couldn’t properly see them through blurry vision. But what he could see was beautiful.

Then… his world went dark. The last thing he remembered was a pair of arms and a smooth and sweet voice.

“You poor, pathetic thing. I’ll take good care of you.”

~

It had been a week since Vox had woken up in the palace. He couldn’t make heads or tails of his new situation. Lucifer, the King of Hell, had personally taken care of him. He even fixed up his hardware. Invited- no, insisted that he stay there at the palace with him. 

What had Vox done to earn the favor of the king? He was sure, but whatever it was, he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. Especially with how much Lucifer was spoiling him. Making sure he was properly fed, and not just amazing and high-quality fancy food. But also, his favorite meals from when he had been alive.

Then he replaced the Sinner’s clothes with a whole new wardrobe that they picked out together. And then there were the gifts. Things that Lucifer would see from different Rings he thought that Vox would like or things that he’d make for him.

He always appreciated them but kept trying to tell him that he didn’t have to constantly give him things. Though… it was nice…

He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had given him a gift. Even before his death. And Lucifer seemed so happy whenever Vox accepted whatever he got him… Well there were worse things than someone over gifting. Especially in Hell.

“Vox, Vox, Vox!”

Seeing the goof of a king run into the room, he set down his book to give him his full attention. “Yes, your majesty?”

“No~ We talked about this. Call me Lucifer.”

“R-Right. Apologies. I'm still getting used to having the privilege. I mean, you’re my king.”

That mischievous smile that was so unfairly sexy on him stretched across his beautiful face as he climbed into Vox’s lap. Arms slipping around his neck and clawed fingers lightly scratched at the back of his neck had the Sinner like putty in his hands.

“That’s right. Your king. So enjoy being able to be this close. Maybe closer if you’re a good boy.”

Oh. Oh fuck.

“W-W-What was it that you uh… n-needed your ma- Lucifer?”

“Right!” Jumping up from his lap, letting Vox catch his breath and calm his heart, Lucifer pulling him along to a different room.

He always appreciated them but kept trying to tell him that he didn’t have to constantly give him things. Though… it was nice…

He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had given him a gift. Even before his death. And Lucifer seemed so happy whenever Vox accepted whatever he got him… Well there were worse things than someone over gifting. Especially in Hell.

“Vox, Vox, Vox!”

Seeing the goof of a king run into the room, he set down his book to give him his full attention. “Yes, your majesty?”

“No~ We talked about this. Call me Lucifer.”

“R-Right. Apologies. I'm still getting used to having the privilege. I mean, you’re my king.”

That mischievous smile that was so unfairly sexy on him stretched across his beautiful face as he climbed into Vox’s lap. Arms slipping around his neck and clawed fingers lightly scratched at the back of his neck had the Sinner like putty in his hands.

“That’s right. Your king. So, enjoy being able to be this close. Maybe closer if you’re a good boy.”

Oh. Oh fuck.

“W-W-What was it that you uh… n-needed your ma- Lucifer?”

“Right!” Jumping up from his lap, letting Vox catch his breath and calm his heart, Lucifer pulling him along to a different room.

“Can’t you just tell me?”

“No. Showing you would be better. Ta da!”

Stepping into his own bedroom, Vox was shocked at what he saw. All the walls, except for the one with windows looking out into the gardens outside, had been turned into a giant tank and swimming inside were sharks. Glowing, dangerous looking, amazing sharks.

“That’s not all. There’s a ladder so you can go to the open part of the tank to pet them. And I found a special little guy during one of my outings. Call him by whistling.”

What? There was more? Whistling as Lucifer instructed, Vox was surprised as a big shark came bounding towards him as if it were a dog. How? How did a shark have four legs?! How was it able to survive out of the water?!

~

“Was Vox your name back when you were alive?”

“Oh. No. It was a nickname given to me by an… old friend…” Every night while eating dinner, Lucifer always asked him about himself. It was kind of nice to have someone take an interest in him like this.

"Is this the same old friend who left you not only broken and alone, but also heartbroken?”

Something about the dangerous tone and the way his eyes glowed sent a shiver down Vox’s spine. Was this man as much of a goofball as he acted? Or was it all just a front? Vox couldn’t wait to find out.

“Yes it is. But that doesn’t matter now. I mean I wouldn’t have met you if that hadn't happened.”

And the king was back to happy. Wow. Could he really affect Lucifer’s mood that easily? Does this mean he won’t be abandoned again? Lucifer wouldn’t toy with him and then break his heart. Right…?

“Tell me more about yourself. What made you want to be a news anchor- … Vox? Are you okay?”

He couldn’t breathe. Oh no. He forgot to take a break from his bindings earlier when Lucifer had been out. He was going to pass out, and then Lucifer would find out. He’d find out, freak out and leave him.

“Vox!”

~

Vox had found himself meeting the Sin of Sloth, Belphegor herself, after a long lecture from Lucifer. He couldn’t believe it. He was worried instead of freaked out or repulsed.

“Vox. I’m a Fallen Angel. We don’t have a set gender. We can change it whenever we want. And I’d rather you be safe and feel comfortable in your body instead of risking your life to hide parts you don’t like.”

Lucifer was… he didn’t have words to describe his wonderful king. Screw Alastor. Who needed that old timey prick? Not him. He had Lucifer and his sharks. That's all he needed.

~

Bonus:

“Lucifer. What were you thinking? Taking in a random Sinner like this. I thought you hated them.”

Since they were alone, Lucifer could finally drop his mask and truly be himself. Thank fuck. It was tiring acting like a happy idiot. Hopefully Vox would completely trust him soon and he could slowly accustom him to his actual personality.

“Dear Belphegor, my lovely sister… I do hate Sinners. But this one was just so helpless and pathetic. I couldn’t help myself. Abandoned and heartbroken… he would never leave me like my ex-wife. He’s too codependent for that.”

“So that’s your game. Are you that desperate for someone to love you? Or are you just bored and lonely?”

A dark smile stretched across his face. “I suppose it’s a little of both. But I’ve grown fond of this man. I’m thinking about making him my consort. Hell needs a new Queen after all. Hopefully Charlie will approve of her new stepfather.”

[roguesnezblog]

Trigger warning - Vent stuff (Suicide, bullying etc.) I am not feeling great. And I'm going to censor everything below if you don't want to read. But this post I wanted to make, one, for my own benefit. mentally, but I also feel like people who are in the same position as me could use an understanding ear. So...

Feeling real horrible. Like I shouldn't exist. To put it bluntly. Making the rounds of depression again. I want to type this out here and will most likely delete this later because being vunerable on the internet is not exactly, sometimes, met with anything good.

I won't go into detail on as to why either, since opening up about things you've done is usually weaponized online too. But lets say this: I have been made to feel, in some online spaces, that, My existance and presense should be eradicated.

I have been treated this way by these people for years. Over 5 years now. I had been bullied, and called horrible things, been witch hunted all the works that online crap can bring. And most people are in agreement, I should get over it by now. Who scares if a few people don't like you, don't want you around them? They have a right to believe that, and it's not like I didn't deserve it.

And I suppose in truth a part of me agrees. I dont expect approval, nor do I expect to be liked, a part of me rationally knows this. Not everyone online is going to be on a sympathetic understanding side of things.

But another part of me creeps back. You see, during this time, when people turned on me violently, for mistakes I've made and regret, I got low. Real low. Suicide low. I figured I was diplorable. Unforgivable. Disgusting. I felt like I should be punished. I did. Yanno. Self harm. A lot.

I figured the world would be better. Easier, if I wasn't in it. They made me believe this.

But I was always in conflict with reality. You see online isn't really half of my life. I have good parents, not perfect, but good. And a family who cares about me, and deep down, I knew if I was gone, if anyone, they would suffer for it.

So ...Suicide wasn't really an option. Not properly.

I had no choice but to endure lots of inflammatory comments, being excluded, distanced, the community (not this one) I wanted to feel a part of, and enjoy a love of drawing was...cruel.

I could rant more about what they did. How much they alienated and hurted me, broke down my character and warped me into this...percieved monster. But theres no point. And yanno I don't want to get into details like I said.

But a part of me still thinks that Im not a victim here. That I deserve it.

It's the rest that feels inconsolable. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel like thats the only option for me. To be erased. And think how much easier it would be for everyone else that I didn't exist.

But I want to be a kind person. I don't want to make people uncomfortable with my presense, or existance.

I shouldn't spare mercy to people who don't care. I know...But it's hard not to think when for your entire life you've been messed up.

Im pretty sure being some kinda autistic or at least neurodivergant doesn't help...(I haven't got diagnosed yet. Being a part of british NHS sucks. It would take me 5 years to get someone to see me. So they told me, and I'm considering private, but that costs 2,000 pounds and...Im scared honestly)

Anyway.

This feeling is often met with apathy, or "just don't think about it" by friends and family, who know somewhat about all this.

But it's hard.

It's heavy.

I just wish forgiveness could be an option. The mistakes I made, I learned from, and have never done again. But it's not enough.

It feels like this unending maw, gaping and cavernous. Swallowing me whole until it leaves nothing but that mistake left. They make it me. It's all I am. My identity. I am a literal monster to them. Something to fear like a boogeyman.

Not a dumb young adult who had no idea what they were doing.

I am nearly 30 now. I regret being stupid. Not knowing things, being ignorant and not just....being more calm at the time, but when people jump on you, you panic.

I have dug this hole. I know that... but it feels like I was forced to.

And the prolonged suffering, it's just....

I was happy for a time. You know? The fear and guilt lifted about a year ago for a while. When I found people who appriecate me, who care and want me around in that community, My confidence for a while was up. And I felt like I COULD exist. Live again, and be in spaces without feeling like I was a leech. I was happy and even talked to people in calls. I didn't have nightmares and I didn't feel like I needed to quit my freelance work.

There was...a couple of incidents, where I let my confidence blind me, approached people who haven't forgiven me, and told me to fuck off.

Which I did, to be fair...like I say: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

But...recently, the community pool has gotten thin. Drama happened (not to do with me, thank fuck, I couldn't deal with that stress I feel terrible for the people who have to endure it.) and spaces that were safe have been deleted. And the people who scorn me are now making a new space for them to pool into.

I've been excluded from that space.

That doesn't bother me, I have friends who will remain by my side. And this kinda happens everyone 6 months or so that people move spaces. But-

It's gut wrenching, to feel safe and forgiven. And then to be reminded that no, infact; You can't escape.

My friends will stay in spaces I feel safe in. And I know really- I'm not gonna loose much. But to be reminded that your existance would rather be purged? It's...not a fun feeling. Not to feel especially due to the struggles I've been facing and facing hard these past few months.

I suppose by writing all this, and saying all this, I just can't help but wonder in this mind space...Is it me? My fault? My brain is the one doing this...I am jumping from: Oh people I don't even like don't want me around? Better go die.

I made the mistake in the end....And this is my punishment. My torment for making a mistake.

It's ridiculous really...I shouldn't be feeling this way. But yet I am....I feel hopeless, empty. Sullen. Like theres no point, like all I feel and have been doing to grow, and move on....it doesn't matter. Because nothing changes.

I'm not sure exactly why Im writing this, or why Im even sharing these feelings, perhaps I just want people to talk to. Much as I love my friends, they get uncomfy talking like this... They can be dismissive and they don't really want to find a solution or confront it. I am just told to "forget it" and such. As I said before. But it doesn't help you know?

Putting this out there, it may make it worse...Which honestly; I fear. People online can look at something like this and use it to try make you worse, or kill yourself. Like....some people really just...get a kick out of making you feel like crap.

Im sure this is a sentiment that a lot of people, a lot of you, understand. It's cruel. Bullying and....I wish it would go away, not just for me, but for all of us....But I also hope a part of this can....maybe help someone?

That...something like this, isn't unusual....(unfortunately) and that some of you out there have been through the same thing...or are currently going through the same thing. And if thats the case...As someone who is feeling it at the current moment I want to say this to you:

You matter. You deserve to exist. You CAN live. And ...so long as you learn from your mistakes...That doesn't make you an evil, or even just a bad, person. You're a good person. You're a good person if you want to be better.

And....for you. I will keep this in mind for myself too. I fucked up. Maybe you did too...But we can be fuck ups together.

--------------------------------------------------------

I am not ok, but I think I will be. Admittedly, I could just not post this, but I think theres some value somewhere in this rant. I think it should be heard by some.

[bloodied-dagger]

some song recs based off lyrics

@rainbowangel110 has asked, so I shall deliver

did I spend entirely way too much time on this? Yes. Was it worth it? Probably not. Did I have to add the lyrics I related to the most for every single song? No, but rainbow specifically mentioned the lyric posting and it's fun soooooo (anyways it's 4:30 AM over here so. if you see any mistakes, no you didn't. I'll edit this in the morning so it won't have any)

Complete list without the commentary is at the bottom. List is in a Song Title - Artist format

Alternative

“Alternative” is being very loosely used here, there will be other genres mixed in here. Also, there is no particular order for this bit

I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons This is probably the most country song you'll ever get out of me, right next to the Nickleback song I've got in there

'Cause I will wait I will wait for you And I will wait I will wait for you

BREATHING UNDERWATER - Hot Milk This is very alt-rock emo of me, sorry rainbow

I tried breathing underwater to drown out the doubt Cracked under the pressure and nearly bled out You said you'd always save me - so where are you now? Feels like I'm failing, I'm dancing while drowning alone

Bells - The Unlikely Candidates Honestly I don't really care about the lyrics for this one, I just think I should throw something a bit more mellow after that last one and it's a good song so

And where we go, nobody knows Those bells are ringing, ringing loud Oh lord, we're going down - six underground Those bells are ringing, ringing loud

Razzmatazz - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME Once again I throw a song in for the vibes and not the lyrics. Sue me

And now, well Some things just cannot be fixed With sparkled tongues and politics In a fascist little paradox, we all become anonymous

Rule #11 - My Dream, My Addiction - Fish in a Birdcage Okay, last one I'm adding for the vibes- for now

I, I've never seen a storm this fierce I, am feelin' rather small in here As the walls start to compress Shifting, squirming, restlessness

For You - Loveless Alright now here's a song I'm adding for the lyrics. It's also more on the rock song but it's not that heavy I don't think (maybe minus the bridge where it goes all heavy metal baseline for 8 or so bars)

Wasted my time Why would I ever waste another line on you, you? Crossing the line Why would I ever tell another lie for you, you?

Apologies - acloudyskye You must be something else if you thought we were getting out of this list without a skye song in here. This one isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea bc it's electronic but I like it so

I often think about their lives A fault in me I can't deny And in the end I won't even think So, apologies for all these things

Broken Zipper - Group Project You know I had to put a gp song on here somewhere. This one's def a more feel good song, also one I use to call myself out on with when I'm getting pissed about the little things Although it is a love song about crushing on your best friends sister or something? Whatever

You spend one week's worth of pay on your night out Wrote in pen and ran out of white out Lost your shades and it's much too bright out But who the fuck cares when you're breathing fine right now?

Could've Been Me - The Struts This song has made me cry, and that's an achievement when it's as upbeat of a song as it is

I wanna live better days Don't want to look back and say "It could've been me It could've been me"

Playing Dead - VIOLÀ Came because the song is an emo banger, stayed because I related to it a little while later. This one's also very rock, but I have to have a few in here

But if this is the last time I say sorry Then I'll take it back, 'cause I don't mean it You are the cancer in my body I'm done playing dead 'cause I still feel it

Through the Ghost - Shinedown No idea what living "through the ghost" means but it sounds poetic as hell

Speak of the devil, Look who just walked into the room The guilty invaded notion Of someone I once knew

Reason for Living - Morgan Page This song is actually for the beat saber soundtrack, and so is the next one. Naturally, it's on the more electronic/dance side of things but some of the lyrics are Big Mood™ so

'Cause I don't even sleep no more these days No such thing as staying up too late And nobody's at home waiting for me I'm staying up on a feeling - it's the reason for living

Heavy Weight (feat. Beat Saber) - Lindsey Stirling The fact that beat saber can get lindsey-fucking-stirling on a song is kind of crazy to me. Like. What

Heavy weight Feel it in my past mistakes But I think I've carried them For way too long

Inertia - AJR The shortest songname - artistname on this whole list, probably because it's competition is an artist who's name is abbreviated to IDKHBTFM. Anyway, when this came out I fucking Felt It hearing these words for the first time, and they still hit me the same way (maybe even more effectively than before)

An object in motion Don't ask where I'm going 'Cause where I am going is right where I am (Oh man!)

Alma Mater - Group Project This song reminds me of good times. Maybe not better times, but good ones that're long gone now.

I said "Hey, Why we always end up staying out late, Staying out late?"

It's a love song but I'm 100% not focused on that at all /gen

(Sad, yet) Impactful

Little commentary, songs in order of how impactful each of them are in my opinion (top = least, bottom = most) Also a good portion of these are probably heartbreak songs or smth but I'm pretending they're not like an aromantic would

Cellphone - Promoting Sounds & Nate Kest

It's getting late, I sipped too much Look at me strange, I'll be too blunt I'm easy to hate; I'm hard to love But you love me anyway - or is it lust?

I Won't Beg for You - Chri$tian Gate$

'Cause I won't beg for you, my dear These knees have bled, pulled out my hair Didn't know you tried to burn us down Even when we tried to work it out

Call Me - Shinedown

I finally put it all together But nothing really lasts forever I had to make a choice that was not mine I had to say goodbye for the last time

By The Way - Theory of a Deadman I usually listen to the "(Acoustic) [Bonus Track]" version of this song when I'm sad. figured that was worth mentioning so it isn't out of place (a hard rock song in the middle of a slower song list)

By the way You left without saying goodbye to me Now that you're gone, away All I can think about is you and me, you and me

Rayleigh Scattering - acloudyskye

And if it gets better It's taking forever And what's with this weather? It's not getting better

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

So Before you go Was there something I could've said to make it all feel better? If only I had known you had a storm to weather

Landing In London - 3 Doors Down

And when the night comes in around me And I don't think I'll make it through I'll use your light to guide my way 'Cause all I think about is you

Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin

Are you with me after all? Why can't I hear you? Are you with me through it all? Then why can't I feel you?

To Build a Home - Grace Page

And I built a home For me, for you Until it disappeared From me, from you And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...

Better Than Me - Bohnes

'Cause I Know that you Deserve better than me Better than me, yeah

My Body Is a Cage - Peter Gabriel This one's only here because of that full orchestra impact moment honestly

I'm standing on a stage Of fear and self doubt It's a hollow play But they'll clap anyway

No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

I should've known That I'd leave alone Just goes to show That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe

My Immortal - Effervescent

These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?

Somewhere Out There - acloudyskye

It's over Oh, and under Under we go So far below

Full list, no commentary:

Alternative

I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons

BREATHING UNDERWATER - Hot Milk

Bells - The Unlikely Candidates

Razzmatazz - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Rule #11 - My Dream, My Addiction - Fish in a Birdcage

For You - Loveless

Apologies - acloudyskye

Broken Zipper - Group Project

Could've been me - The Struts

Playing Dead - VIOLÀ

Through the Ghost - Shinedown

Reason for Living - Morgan Page

Heavy Weight (feat. Beat Saber) - Lindsey Stirling

Inertia - AJR

Alma Mater - Group Project

Impactful

Cellphone - Promoting Sounds & Nate Kest

I Won't Beg For You - Chri$tian Gate$

Call Me - Shinedown

By The Way (Acoustic) [Bonus Track] - Theory of a Deadman

Rayleigh Scattering - acloudyskye

Before you go - Lewis Capaldi

Landing in London - 3 Doors Down

Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin

To Build a Home - Grace Page

Better Than me - Bhones

My Body Is a Cage - Gabe Peters

No Time to Die - Billie Eilish

My Immortal - Effervescent

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Somewhere Out There - acloudyskye

[volivolition]

Any updates on all wip fics? and what is your ao3 username if you have one?

if you don't want to share any info, it's all good

i hope you know how hard i am YIPPEE-ing after getting this ask, I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY FIC WIPS!!!! YEAHGKJH!!!! <33 my AO3 is also volivolition, but i dont have anything posted there yet :]

TL;DR: I have 4+ WIPs im working on simultaneously: Unstoppable Force Kisses Immovable Object - A Voli/Echem enemies -> enemies with benefits -> friends with benefits -> lovers fic that started as PWP but whoops its not just smut anymore lmao? Meet the Parts that Make You - A "Kim introduced to the Skills" fic! Let's Make It (a) Home - A Skills fic showing the aftermath of the amnesia wiping out Harry's mindspace, with the Skills working together to rebuild it into a home during the Hanged Man case. Mostly domestic fluff. Swept Up in the Feeling - An Empathy-centric fic, originally an excuse to do Skill character studies. Empathy understanding each skill while they do activities together <3 (gained a plot. suddenly.)

ANYWAY!! more info, snippets and musings under the cut!

Unstoppable Forces Kisses Immovable Object Word Count: 18722 Rating: Explicit Okay, so technically this document isn't just one story. It's my catch-all "any Volistry writing goes HERE" containment zone. Like I said, this wasn't supposed to be anything big, I just wanted to write a bunch of drabbles and practice writing smut because I've never done that before. But then the drabbles started connecting to each other and Voli and Echem started falling in love without asking me and so it's like. A whole thing now lmao?

they bring me so much joy. they're so fun to write, because volition will say something so normal and echem will find some way to misconstrue it and volition will bicker and echem will flirt back and volition will sigh and they're so fucking funny to me. they just keep talking, their back-and-forth banter is so natural to write, which is why this fic is so long hkgjh

they learn to balance each other out!! i want them to be soft and witty with each other and i'll. cry about them. if you catch me at the right time i will wax poetic about their relationship but right now they're just being incoherently rotated in my brain.

anyway here's a snippet, i have so much written for this damn fic that i had trouble choosing lmao. it's like. mildly suggestive? but truly nothing blatant, just cutesy shit lmao

Meet the Parts that Make You Word Count: 3886 Rating: Mature This fic is the closest of the four to being abandoned lmao? Or at least I want to finish Swept Up before writing this one, because as it stands I feel like I can't grasp everyone's characters right without doing some character study beforehand. It might also be because I'm currently more obsessed with the Skills instead of the humans, though i still love them.

but yes! Meet the Parts that Make You is a fic after Martinaise, established relationship for KimHarry, where Kim is casually introduced to the skills over dinner, and they document their findings in Kim's notebook over the course of about a week. it's a lot of skills banter and silly moments!! harry can honestly say that every single part of him loves Kim.

here's where they're trying to show off each of their different specialties, featuring Reaction Speed and Hand/Eye Coordination who are my sillies.

Let's Make It (a) Home Word Count: 1896 Rating: Teen+ I think if I want to finish any fic first, I want it to be this one, because it really sets the scene for the rest of the universe of all my other fics. The main gist is that Perception can pull in anything that Harry's looking at into the mindspace, and once they figure this out, most of the skills go "Hey we should bring in more things so we can decorate!"

volition my friend and perpetual spoilsport :3 anyway, different skills affect the object's properties! Perception can pull things in, Interfacing can give it texture, Conceptualization can make it different colors and Reaction Speed can duplicate it. Empathy makes it so the object has the correct feelings attached to it (Dora's letter, for example) and Half Light can immediately destroy the object (Dora's letter, for example).

this fic is basically The Hanged Man case, but from the perspective of the Skills. i think it focuses on some specific skills, but maybe not all of them because I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter. maybe i'll smoosh some skills together? i love all of them and i want all of them to get some screen time, but it would wreck me lmao

i have a whole Volition scene written out and i think its so fucking gorgeous bro... i love writing. it's like... rebuilding after death, the skills have a kind of blank slate too, you know? they're learning to work together again, regaining memories, making new ones, making a home together. the way different skills need to work together to make an object in the mindspace real. I WANT THEM TO BE A HAPPY FAMILY. AUHG.

Swept Up in the Feeling Word Count: 5103 Rating: This is Mature. Except the Echem chapter. Which is Explicit.

EMPATHY MY FAVORITE SKILL. OUGH. EMPATHY. MY FRIEND. this fic is about Empathy getting roped into a bunch of shenanigans with the other skills, and goes along with it all while better understanding each of them.

so remember when i said I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter? yeah. that's because THIS is the story where i give each one of them an individual chapter.

24 chapters, one per each skill. Including, but not limited to:

Exercising with Physical Instrument!

Art time with Conceptualization!

Performance with Drama!

Listening to Encyclopedia infodump!

Reminiscing with Volition!! (THEY ARE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS!!!)

Staying up late with Endurance

"Overstimulated Skills Support Group" with Perception

Talking about understanding people vs understanding machines with Interfacing

Talking about understanding people vs understanding specific people with Esprit de Corps

Apologizing to Composure about making their life harder with UNNECESSARY FEELINGS ("as if we don't deal with enough of our own, you bring in other people's emotions for me to hide?" "why do we always need to hide them?" "BECAUSE... :| Just because.")

A Talk with Half Light.

Y'know... with Electrochemistry (there's more to it than just that though lmao)

This fic will be the death of me, with all the skills, but I really really want to do skill character studies. I need to research their lines on Fayde and understand each of them so I can write all of them better.

This is also so I can be obsessed with each of them. Currently I have a lot of faves, but I don't care about all of them yet when i WANT TO!! i want to know each of them intrinsically!! I wrote a bit of the Endurance chapter and I didn't use to care for him very much, but then I wrote the lines

"Endurance is not tired; he can't afford to be. Not when everyone else is. He would stand before any of them, from the first intellect to the last motoric, in order to take a blow meant for someone frailer, less capable of surviving it. He will endure it instead."

and now I'm sympathetic to him. like, ough. If I understand them, then I learn to love them, and that's also why I'm writing it from Empathy's perspective! Empathy feels what other the other skills feel and does bonding activities with them with similar feelings, does that make sense? i really want to learn characterization for each of them, this fic truly is just an excuse for me to do character studies so i know all their character motivations.

BUT. it also has backstory plot now that im invested in lmao? based off of character design that i have. I STILL NEED TO POST MY SKILL REFS. RAUGH. but yeah all of my stories get too big for me really, i always bite off more than i can chew for projects like this lmao.

Other Fics: Skill Body Swap Fic! its shoved into Unstoppable Force's document for the time being, since this is mostly an excuse for Volition/Echem swap (Echem's body is ~sensitive~ if you're not used to it and i love putting voli through Situations. meanwhile Volition's body has the morale health pool in it that echem has to take care of), and ive only written that specific swap, but i think it'd be cool if i swapped EVERY SKILL.

Logic and Drama would be funny hkjgh Drama would 1) immediately slot into the new role and be extremely good at pretending nothing is wrong. What do you mean, he hasn't switched bodies with anyone? That's highly improbable. 2) love saying lies as if they were appropriate conclusions, and actual Logic would be like "That's literally wrong. Stop that."

Empathy and Composure would be interesting! Empathy's body is constantly picking up on everyone's emotions, and also is always on the brink of tears. Composure's body is not made to experience the same emotions, much less the emotions of others. Empathy's cut off from feeling and Composure is struggling not to fucking cry, poor guy.

Shivers and anyone? I just think Shivers should be small and worried about her connection to Revachol. and some other skill is just like "WHY IS THIS SO OVERWHELMING. HELLO??"

i dont know, theres a lot of ways i could go with this, i'll figure it out lmao. if anyone has suggestions for interesting/funny swaps and is even reading this far, let me know

The Sunrise Momentum. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DONT WRITE THIS FIC. I NEED TO FUCKING WRITE THIS. Volition's vow with Harry that i cry about once per day. VOLITION IS TO HARRY AS HARRY IS TO REVACHOL. AUGH. "I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I will keep you on this earth." my knight in lavender armor i am OBSESSED WITH YOUUUU!! *vibrates at high velocity*

okay that's about it, thanks for reading my RAMBLES!!

[milkweedman]

So. Turns out the dye in the wool was very much Not Colorfast (and honestly, i should have known better than to assume someone else's dye job was colorfast instead of checking first like i often do). The yarn was blended and spun by me but not dyed. And as you can see from the comparison of the scarf to the warp waste, it's a very different color now. Definitely more saturated than it looks here (i wanted to take a picture while it was sunny but by the time i got out of work the sun had set); very greenish blue.

All of that said, i do really like the new colors. It's more muted and thus something i would actually wear.

My fulling job was not very good; i think i could probably force a finger through the web if i tried pretty hard, so it likely needed another couple hours.

But I really like it as is. It's incredibly soft and has a very pleasing halo, imo. Definitely next-to-skin, and even bearable on my neck despite the stubble (which usually, i can only stand things touching my neck if ive JUST shaved. And its been a few days lol)

It's also long enough to wear as just, a normal scarf ! It shrank mostly in width, and is very nearly as tall as i am, not counting the fringe. I prefer scarves to be at least 1.5x my height, if not twice my height, but one can get away with a 1:1 ratio. Also I think the fringe either needs a lot of help or else should just be cut off. So i still dont know what kind of scarf it will be.

I am also considering brushing it. I've never done that before so that makes me nervous but iirc, it would add to the halo and softness.

Anyway. This is my first handspun weaving project as far as im aware, and im really happy with it and proud of it. Its not done yet and i will take better and more finished pictures in sunlight at some point.

Also: @swords-n-spindles, who asked what the name i finally decided on for my loom is: i've decided to name it Solnyshko (in english, Little Sun or a more true-to-spirit translation would be the affectionate term 'sunshine').

[post-maester]

I had my very first big mood swing yesterday! I got uncharacteristically upset at my partner, it wasn't very cool of me. We had a talk and everything was okay in the end, but that instance was weird. And the moodswing didn't end there! I continued to have the most intense panic-cry I've had in weeks. It was really not fun. My Mister stuck by me and weathered the storm, he was so helpful to me, even though I'd been so rude to him earlier.

When I was ready to emerge from the cave, he suggested I sit on the floor in front of the couch so he could play with my hair. I asked if we could watch an instructional video on how to use my brand new ROUND HAIR-BRUSH!!!!!!🌠🌠🌠 He agreed, and we sat down to practice. He pet me and called me a good girl.

Well. Apparently you need a fucking blow dryer to use round brushes! Guess what; I didn't fuckin know that. I dont have one! But Mister was so determined to help me feel better that he tried to follow along with the video as best he could to get it down before we added a blow dryer someday when I could afford one. He brushed my hair for at least an hour and a half as I dove into a femme self-care tutorial video RABBITHOLE. We watched a "how-to do a 90's blowout!" and "here's my everything shower routine!" and "my Coachella nails for 2024!" and more.

Each video taught me so fucking much it was incredible honestly. The everything shower video told me I should be shampooing twice, conditioning only the mids-ends of my hair, etc. While the Coachella Nails video taught me a certain level of what to expect if I wanted to go get my nails done at a salon (maybe?), but it also realized within me: Hand/Nail dysphoria.

I stared at my hands for maybe 10 minutes noticing how thick, lined, and scarred they are. Even though my hands are soft they don't look soft. The video host's fingers were so slender, long, elegant. Mine are stubby in comparison. My nails are so short because I bite them when I have nothing else to fidget with. Her nails were at least an inch long on her nailbed, it was like they were groomed specifically for nail art and extensions (i suppose they were). I've never thought about my hands before. I used to like having scarred hands. But now they make me feel sick.

I needed a change of pace. I switched to a video that detailed tips and tricks for DIY alt/goth fashion by a channel called Rattus Rattus. Loved it. Only made it 20 minutes in as it was 1:30am and I was fading. Captivated by each of the videos telling me how to achieve a certain level of high-maintenace girlhood, my eyes drooped closed until i could keep them open no longer. I lied down on the floor and fell asleep until my husband decided it was time to sleep in a real bed.

Anyway. Big day yesterday for learning and new experiences. It was intense. Time for sleep.

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e4 live episode reaction 😭

fine. time to watch what's widely considered the best heartstopper episode so far

know I will probably not be rewatching this because I'm already at a level of sobbing that might wake up my mom

nellie makes me so happy

not tara being the one telling nick to start journaling

oh my god it's gonna be literally all of journey. like the diary entries and all. oh my god I see it. oh my god that's gonna WRECK ME

NOT ALL THREE OF THEM SITTING ON THE COUCH TOGETHER BABIES

god

literally none of this is okay I feel like I'm a faucet that's open all the way I can barely see the screen

not him and nellie

bro I could really use a sarah hug right about now

THE RUGBY LADS NOOOOOO

IMOGEN KEEPS SENDING ME COUPLES COSTUME IDEAS AKDJSKFJSKFIDLFIF bro immy's so cute I wanna keep her in my pocket forever

tara is an angel

NOT BARBIE AND KEN AKDJDKFJDOF IMOGEN I LOVE YOU

not the creepy moos skfusofjslfjdkfj

okay that was....... way too sad

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS. NICK NELSON LOVES CHARLIE SPRING.

nick's drinking??? oh honey no

OH MY FUCKING GO D

OH Y GOD

OGMYNFLFKDLFKD THEYRE DKIISIMG

IMOGENSAHAR TEAAAAAMMMMMM

what's their name? I'm going with zaheaney

OH NO SHES THROWING UP AND TALKING ABOUT EXPERIMENTATION NOOOOOOOO

oh god that is horrifying

this is giving me so much anxiety

(tarcy as Shrek and Fiona are goals tho)

oh nO

DONT FUCKING

I'LL KILL MYSELF

NICK BABY NOOOOOOOOO

god

yeah this isn't good

"your marvel agenda is never gonna work on me" it still might, let me introduce y'all to billy kaplan and teddy altman

NOT THE KPSIDD DOWN KISS please can we have nick as MJ

"aw, can't I play the mental illness card?" "nope, the s-word rules still apply to the mentally ill" bro i wish I had nick and charlie when i was younger

im never gonna stop crying am i

no I'm never gonna stop crying

god

this isn't good i might genuinely dehydrate

not the backwards bit

oh god

yeah it does feel a bit like you're fractured doesn't it

tori helping to decorate charlie's room :(

god

GEOFF HI

I keep having to pause. like little sobbing breaks. why is this hitting me so hard.

"he's my favorite. your friends are annoying but I like him" nicktori :(

susan is so awesome

"you were having your summer of love, it's not a crime" "well, i love You too" :( charlie and tao :(

"but I missed it" god I keep going into sobbing spirals bro

"can you explain to me what happened with imogen and sahar? because nick was being way too empathetic about it and I actually don't really know what happened" LMFAODKDLDKSLFJSLFJSLFJSLFJ

to be fair to nick he had to hold immy's hair up while she threw up and cried about it so he prob doesn't have the most objective perspective

A WHOLE BOTTLE OF TEQUILA oh my god I was drinking a Lot at 16 and that's still way beyond anything that should be happening at that age

NOT TAOS FILM I'M GONNA DIE

BODNFLSKF NO

"but i wasn't prepared and I cried for about four hours" isaac describing me watching this episode

BARBIE AND DRACULA SEEN MAKING OUT AT A HOUSE PARTY

CUT THE CAMERA ITS BREAKING MY DOCUMENTARY CODE OF ETHICS

IS THAT HOW DARCY TOLD THE GROUP THAT THEYRE USING THEY/THEM PRONOUNS? YOU CANT BE FR

DARCY OLSSON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IN THE MOST NONBINARY WAY POSSIBLE

oh my god tao's gonna become a trash reality producer when he's older, he's got eye for The Drama™

NOT NATHAN AND YOUSSEF LEAVE THEM ALONE WEIRDOS SKFIDUGIDUGODJGDLGJDLGK

"we have a lot planned" "we do? oh god" lmao I love them

that little hug I love nick and charlie so much :(

SUSAN I LOVE YOU

oh my god tori holding out her hand

SPRING SIBS SUPREMACY

WHERE'S THE "haha, since when is anything I do straight?" LINE ALICE HOW DARE YOU TAKE THIS AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEE

(it'd also be missing michael and olly so. yk. yeah nvm let's keep it)

oh wow that was a long ass hug

well

I haven't cried this hard with an episode of television since............ I don't know since when lmao

honestly genuinely this might be the hardest cry I've done all year so thanks for that

[castlebyersafterdark]

a few kinda not chill asks sent my way too a while back, about being disinterested or disappointed when fandom blogs get too personal and it just turned my stomach

Ok it might not be me, but ive definitely said this kind of thing to blogs before and i would like to come here now and explain myself and also apologise.

Firstly, context and tone being lost online. i understand it's easy to project and take things to heart that might not even have been about us! been there done that, all day long! but still, i'm sorry that i might have contributed to someone feeling bad because of that.

Secondly and more importantly, it probably was totally unnecessary for me to comment things like that in the first place. ive changed my habits so much in the past few months on this site, and feel so much better. it was wild in the midst of s4, then all the byler shit happening really made me act out in a way that i didnt care for at all. didnt even feel like me! i didnt do anything terrible, but i started to understand the slippery slope of how people end up catfishing and shit. it's the anonymity! you dont stop and think online. well, most don't. but i think you do, vinny. its one of the reasons i love your blog.

which leads me to point three. yes, you talk about personal stuff, but it's so charming and endearing, and never feels gratuitous or self-centred or wallowy. and so, even for someone like me who always wanted byler content more than personal stuff on other blogs, i had a realisation. not necessarily a kind or unkind one, but a truthful one: that being here is kind of like meeting people irl in many ways. some people you click with, others you don't. and that's ok. but in real life you can size people up and judge if you want to associate with them. no shade to those who don't compel you - its just part of being human and you walk away and don't befriend them.

but online is so weird - we can't see each other, don't know our ages or interests or anything except what we're told. so when people you perhaps thought were cool, suddenly turn their blog into something that starts to feel unsafe or just downright rubbish... or perhaps you realise theyre so very much younger than you and it's not exactly manageable to be chatting with them because you wouldn't have such a relationship irl... well, i guess its easy to feel tricked. and you can't see it coming like you might if you were physically associating with someone in person, or with mutual friends who give you perspective. i mean, i definitely shouldn't have interacted with so many younger people in this fandom so carelessly, but fandom can be unclear like that sometimes, when you're thrilling in a shared interest and forgetting how many different life experiences people are bringing to the same thing.

and yeah, i could probably have just walked away and not said anything. that's my bad. i was venting. (not about you, about others and you may have seen it and taken it to heart). so its a combo of internet enabling bad behaviour + the weirdness of invisible online connections, and my own lack of foresight.

but honestly vinny, never once have i felt annoyed by you. I've always loved your insights and personal life things... im drawn to the way you think and speak and it helps that you're self-aware, and seem honest and mature. in fact sometimes i feel a bit weirded out by just how much i love this blog. it feels like a real connection sometimes, even though its still invisible online. you have a real authorial voice, you are original and you are... well, you. what always annoyed me was when other byler blogs just became carbon copies of each other, complaining about the same shit (usually byler doubt) and then suddenly soapboxing about personal problems in a way that would have made me feel unsafe and stressed if i knew them irl.

not to say these bloggers were objectively bad, but just not my cup of tea. i didn't handle it well, i should have just scrolled on past. but i didnt and that was on me. not everyone can like everyone, and that's ok. that's normal. but i wouldnt want anyone to have that life lesson served to them in a bad-shaped box, and especially not by me.

so yeah. apologising in case i had a hand in making you feel that way by proxy. and i hope it can mean something that i don't ever think youre annoying. i genuinely love it here. i can't wait to stick it out with you until s5 drops! and i think i'll be more sad than i thought, because all our speculation and gossip will come to an end with the show.

Posting since you gave the go ahead 😌

This is just a silly fandom blog at the end of the day, but I do feel somewhat vulnerable at times. A lot. It can feel like sending a risky text over and over. I have this inability that once I allow myself to feel comfortable in a place, even an online setting, I do tend to get overly personal and insightful and vulnerable once the edge is tipped over. Slippery slope when you've been a person who's lifelong dealt with pretty severe anxiety and sensitivity, even while being pretty extroverted. Weird combo. I'm a mess! But it's ok.

Situations like this, me making an offhand comment, probably based on off hand comments not at all to do with me - stem from all that. And it's like oh god, mannn why are you like this!?! Chill out! And it's no one's fault - to anon sending this ask: based on how you're explaining and talking here, you may have been one I saw elsewhere that I took to heart but you definitely don't sound like those who sent unkind things over the summer. So it's ok 🥲🙏 We are all works in progress. I've gotten myself in to some situations online, mostly of mine own doing, but also not, and I guess as fun as I have on here and despite the rampant kindness - I'm always bracing for the worst. Because we've all seen what fandom can be like, what the internet can be like.

I feel you though, and anyone else who has their guards up. We can't help what does and does not resonate. I think I know what you mean by going to a space for one thing and then tonally it morphs into something different. I've seen that happen with blogs. And it's so hard because we're human, even if we want to be aloof and disconnected, there's always someone behind every post and page and blog and account (well, unless it's a bot haha), but we aren't going to click with most people and we aren't going to get to know most, either. And it's so much easier for everything to switch up like that online as opposed to knowing a person "in the real world." Without knowing the backstory, the reason. If there's any at all. And I think it's very human to feel some sort of way about these things. The person looking at the screen is just as real as the one one the other side, and there's this digital wall between all of us - connections can be beautiful here, but they can also be frustrating.

I'm really glad that even one person feels affected in a positive way by whatever it is I'm doing here, it really blows my mind when I read kind words. Not trying to sound facetious, it truly catches me off guard and it's always a pleasant reminder. I think that's why I get so anxious and nervous thinking anything I do here is upsetting or annoying or negative. Because I've been that negative presence online in the past and I don't want to be. It's actually kind of funny and sweet that you feel weirded out by liking it here so much, because I feel the same???? Breaking down the reality of being obsessed with a TV show is... kinda fucking weird??? But it's not gonna change for me. This is what I'm into and passionate about and it's sooooo damn cool that others are too and vibe in the way I'm vibing with it.

As always - thanks for hanging out. I'll be sticking around long after our speculation and gossip dies down, and I hope people still want to hang out even after it's over. I'll still keep posting and oversharing and being creative and yes, being annoying about a television show. ❤️

[manonamora-if]

i dont know if u feel up for it to answer but like... how do u handle negative comments and ratings and just people being negative about ur stuff? bc i have someone just being rude in comments or like notes and game folders on itch and its making me want to just delete everything and never show anyone anything anymore. or even have an acocunt on itch either.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and that it took me so long to answer. I've been thinking about this for a while honestly. I've been writing a bunch of drafts for this one, because my answer seems to change with the day or my mood. Some of my stuff have had some strange interactions lately that's made me question whether I should stay on itch myself. I mean, I don't think I'll ever leave... there are too many fun jams I want to participate and, you know, to force people to play my weird stuff. But I've been more anxious about new stuff or updates I share recently.

I don't blame you for wanting an out. Some users will poison one's experience of a platform, that even opening the site would give them anxiety. It doesn't take much to have events or projects soured. Often, just a few rude words is enough to make accounts disappear without a word. And many platform don't have good safety nets (blocking, moderation, reports) to temper or avoid these situations. Many will have half-ass solutions that, at the end of the day, still allows interactions from blocked users. It's easy to wonder if all of this is worth it...

Anyway, the very boring and short answer to your question: it depends.

The probably as boring and long one is a bit of a ramble:

It depends on the day, or the mood I have. It's easier to deal with comments when I'm confident and things are going find; but I'd feel more hurt or have a harder time dealing with them when I'm a bit more morose (I think most people feel this way). I'll disregard any (even barely) negative points some days, only to take it into consideration a few days later. <- this especially during jam/comps time, just need time to digest criticism of any kind.

It also depends on the content of the comment, their tone, and intent of the commenter. Not all negative comments are on the same level. I've had negative comments in the past where the commenter was genuine, and really gave my stuff a shot, bringing interesting points or important concerns. And though it hurt a bit, because being told you made a mistake sucks, those helped me grow. But those are the good kinds of comments...

On the other hand, I try to disregard the trolls, and the abusive comments (towards my work or me), the ones where the engagement was clearly not done in good faith... you know, the ones who will literally tell me I've made the world worse by uploading my games on itch. Doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me at all*. Some of them really hurt or made me angry and frustrated, some have lingered for hours or days in my mind, a few made me close to delete stuff as well. Words are not just empty things without meaning... *I've had to block a few people both here and other places recently because of it, they had become so insistent on wanting to engage with me while bashing most of my work, my values or the few aspects of my identity that I've shared online.

It would be easy to say I just don't give them the time of day or any of my energy, or that I pretend they don't exist, because, if I do, then the trolls win. But that would be lying. Obviously.

Screaming to the void/a pillow or ranting to friends have helped get rid of my anger and frustration. I've laughed with others about some comments I got (usually the bad faith ones, some of them are funny in how sad/bad they were). I think what worked best for me was just turn off the computer and go outside for a bit. Or turned off the internet and play silly games on my phone. Or picked up a book. Or watch a movie. Essentially, any activity that would distract me from it and force me to take a break. And when none of this worked, because some trolls are just that insistent, blocking/deleting stuff*. *unfortunately, it's not always possible, see second paragraph again.

It does suck that you're kinda forced to grow a thicker skin to enjoy or even exist in those spaces, and I wish those would be friendlier... but I don't think social platforms/the internet is going in that direction anytime soon.

Maybe not super helpful to your decision, but borogove.io hosts IF games (without ratings or comments, though people can download the files), so does the IFDB through the IFArchive (but there are ratings/reviews there, also can be downloadable). I've seen other peeps host their stuff on neocities (no ratings/comments). None of those platforms are like itch, in the positives or the negative. Or just be old school, and email stuff.

[kuroonir]

Felt like writing this cause I've been thinking about it recently, and by it I mean... It! like @public-trans-it!

So it's been a few years now that I've met it, which feels fucking surreal honestly.. it still feels like it was only a couple years ago I decided to transition, and it's been a very interesting time.. both my life and It!

Back when I first met Ceetee I was in possibly, no definitely, my lowest point in life. I was in the deepest depression I had been and felt the loneliest I had ever felt. Nothing seemed to be going right in my life and worst of all that depression ruined the biggest chance I had at having a decent life. There was lots more that emotionally messed me up and people that only added to that via their actions or lack thereof buuut that's not important.

At this point in my life the only thing I had to keep any modicum of sanity was.. well ff14 where a lot of my sadness came from but it was also the only place where I had even a shred of hope to be around someone that cared. And hey guess what, someone did. And it changed my life!

One of the only people I had left is someone who's become my trans mom and she had met Ceetee and eventually she told Ceetee about me.. and how I wasn't doing great. So Ceetee being Ceetee, It decided to chase me ingame to try and wave hi before I could even react and then teleworking away. Cause it's a gremlin. But It failed cause I entered somewhere It couldn't follow so It just settled for leaving me a message saying hi. I asked why did It want to even talk to me, specially since I was in full blown "I dont matter, no one should care about me" mode. And the reason why It did that? Because it seemed like I needed someone to care. To care about my situation, about me and... yeah I really did.

After that we started talking and we got to know each other and we became friends and.. well it saved my life. That sounds like an exaggeration but.. it's not. I'm too scared to actually hurt myself but you never know what a mentally broken me would've done if I kept descending into the depth that I was at the time. But here I am, years later, able to laugh and genuinely smile and wake up feeling good (when I don't sleep like shit).

What Ceetee did wasn't really anything special, the only thing it did was treat me like a normal person.. and actually just cared about me. But that's simple action changed so much for me in such a good way.

There's a lot of people I respect and plenty that I care about and lots of people that I looked up to as a kid and still do to this day. But Ceetee is genuinely my hero and even though that can sound cringy.. I don't really care. Ceetee is weird, silly and has lots of opinions that are questionable... buuut I wouldn't trade It for the world and I'm so happy I get to call It my friend.

Even though It's 100% a terrible influence.